World Shocked That Wolfowitz Has Girlfriend

Remember Him Eating That Comb In Documentary?
‘Who Would Date Wolfowitz?’ Millions Ask

By ANDY BOROWITZ
www.borowitzreport.com

Amid the controversy swirling about World Bank president Paul Wolfowitz, millions of people today reacted with shock to what is universally considered the most improbable aspect of the story: that Paul Wolfowitz could have a girlfriend.

All over the world, from Wall Street to Main Street, reactions to the news about Mr. Wolfowitz ranged from “Who would date Wolfowitz?” to “Wolfowitz has a girlfriend? You have got to be shitting me.”

At the World Bank, work ground to a halt as colleagues of the organization’s controversial president staggered about in disbelief, searching for theories to explain such an impenetrable mystery.

“I can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would go out with the Wolf-man,” said one World Bank employee on condition of anonymity. “He maybe the second-least sexy man to come out of the Bush administration – right after Karl Rove.”

Another World Bank employee, who admitted that he was “dumbfounded” by the news about Mr. Wolfowitz, offered one possible explanation: “Maybe she figured that because he’s president of the World Bank, he’ll always pick up the check.”

Davis Logsdon, who studies the dating habits of World Bank presidents at the University of Minnesota, says that the world “shouldn’t be surprised” by Mr. Wolfowitz’s apparent “magic touch” with the ladies.

“Convincing someone to go out with him is no big deal for a man like Paul Wolfowitz,” Mr. Logsdon said. “Remember, this is the same guy who convinced President Bush to invade Iraq.”

Elsewhere, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he has “nothing to hide,” according to an exclusive interview published today in “Yeah, Right”magazine.

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