For the Week of Monday, June 4
By ANDY BOROWITZ
www.borowitzreport.com
Monday, June 4: G.O.P presidential hopeful Fred Thompson will say that if elected he would turn the entire nation of Iraq into a “Law and Order” spin-off.
Tuesday, June 5: Whale-watchers around the world will be relieved when two wayward humpback whales make it safely to sea and Rosie O’Donnell finds a new network.
Wednesday, June 6: Infuriated by persistent questions about steroid use, San Francisco Giants slugger will throw a Toyota Corolla at a reporter.
Thursday, June 7: The Supreme Court will follow up its controversial Title VII decision by putting the Bill of Rights on eBay.
Friday, June 8: President Bush will announce a firm timetable for Cindy Sheehan’s withdrawal from the peace movement.
Saturday, June 9: CNN will change its official slogan to “The Most Trusted Name in News about Lepers.”
Sunday, June 10: Taking over the reins at the World Bank, Robert Zoellick will say that he has heard great things about the institution and is “looking forward to getting laid.”
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1 comment:
Fred Thompson wants to win the Presidency because it is his last chance to get laid. He hasn't had any since Eisenhower was at Normandy.
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