Clinton Campaign Reaches Out To Other Fugitives

Attempt to Compensate for Loss of Hsu

By ANDY BOROWITZ
www.borowitzreport.com

One week after losing a major fundraiser when fugitive financier Norman Hsu was arrested in Colorado, the presidential campaign of Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) today attempted to compensate for the loss of Hsu by reaching out to other fugitives.

“Say what you will about Norman, the dude raised $850,000 for us,” said one Clinton aide. “It’s not going to be easy filling Hsu’s shoes.”

As part of her new push to sign up fugitive financiers for her campaign, Sen. Clinton abruptly cancelled campaign stops in Iowa today to attend a special town hall meeting in the Cayman Islands.

Speaking to an audience made up entirely of fugitive financiers, Sen. Clinton said, “I am running so that you don’t have to.”

Vying for his own share of the fugitive financiers’ support, former Sen. John Edwards (D-NC) sounded a similar theme during a campaign stop at a fortified compound in the Bahamas.

“I have often said that my father was a mill worker,” Sen. Edwards told his audience, “but my mother was a fugitive financier.”

Davis Logsdon, head of the political science department at the University of Minnesota, said that fugitive financiers could be a key voting bloc in the 2008 election: “I think they are going to be what soccer moms were in 2000.”

But Mr. Logsdon warned that wooing this key demographic would not be without its challenges: “Direct mail campaigns don’t work well with them, because most of them don’t have an address.”

Elsewhere, President Bush refuted Alan Greenspan’s charge that he seemed “bored” by economics, telling reporters, “I’m much more bored by education, health care and the environment.”

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