Loaves, Fishes Key to Package
By ANDY BOROWITZ
In what many political observers are calling an attempt to shore up his evangelical base on the eve of the nation’s Super Tuesday primaries, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee today asked Jesus Christ to stimulate the U.S. economy.
Mr. Huckabee has invoked Jesus’ name at many points in the primary season, but his extraordinary request marks the first time a presidential candidate has directly asked a deity to provide the nation with an economic stimulus package.
In a press conference in Mobile, Alabama today, Mr. Huckabee said that he had asked Jesus to stimulate the U.S. economy with “a fresh infusion of loaves and fishes.”
The former Arkansas governor was not specific about the exact dollar amount of the loaves and fishes that he had asked Jesus to inject into the U.S. economy, but advisors later said that it was somewhere in the ballpark of $70 billion.
Mr. Huckabee said that he had also asked Jesus to solve the nation’s mortgage crisis by “casting out the money lenders.”
Jesus’ fish-and-loaf-based stimulus package drew a dismissive reaction from G.O.P. rival Mitt Romney, who questioned Jesus’ economic qualifications while campaigning in California.
“Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, but with all due respect, I’m not sure that He could have turned around the Salt Lake Olympics,” Mr. Romney said.
For his part, Mr. Huckabee offered this tart response to Mr. Romney’s remarks: “This is precisely why I have asked Jesus to smite Mitt Romney.”
Elsewhere, Sen. John McCain’s promise to cut taxes drew a strong vote of support from actor Wesley Snipes.
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