Thursday, March 20, 2008
Lewinsky Rebuffs NAFTA Allegations
Lewinsky Releases White House Schedule
Heavily Redacted Document Raises Questions
Hillary Cites "Changes You Can Believe In"
By ANDY BOROWITZ
Under pressure to reveal her precise contributions to the Clinton presidency, former White House intern Monica Lewinsky released her official White House schedule today.
Ms. Lewinsky hoped that in releasing the schedule she would put to rest nagging questions about her role in the Northern Ireland peace talks and the controversial NAFTA trade agreement.
But shortly after the heavily redacted schedule was released to the press, it became clear that the document was raising more questions than it answered.
“There’s no question that Ms. Lewinsky spent hours in the Oval Office, but it’s unclear what she was working on,” said Democratic operative Carol Foyler. “If she was in there supporting NAFTA, that could be very damaging to her politically.”
On the campaign trail, Sen. Hillary Clinton defended the many redactions in her own White House schedule, calling the alterations “changes you can believe in.”
Ms. Clinton said that if elected, “I will start redacting my new White House schedule on Day One.”
Elsewhere, CIA analysts said they doubted the authenticity of a new instant message from Osama bin Laden, noting that the al-Qaeda leader has never before signed off with “LOL.”
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