Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Geithner Warns His Talking Could Cause Depression

Markets Plunge
On Treasury Secretary’s
Latest Statement


In testimony before Congress today, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner warned that by continuing to talk he might plunge the nation into a depression.

"The nation's economy is in a crisis that could easily turn into a catastrophe," the Treasury Secretary said. "In this precarious state, it is highly vulnerable to my talking."

Mr. Geithner pointed to the Dow Jones Industrial Average's 300-point drop during his previous day of Congressional testimony as proof that his amorphous policy statements posed a serious threat to the nation's economy.

"What further damage could my vague remarks do?" he asked. "The truth is, I don't know."

Overseas markets plunged on the news that Mr. Geithner was talking again, with both the NIKKEI and the FTSE shedding over eight percent of their value.

At a town hall meeting in Indiana, President Barack Obama heard from a housewife, Carol Foyler, 47, who pleaded with the President to make Mr. Geithner stop talking.

"Every time he opens his mouth, I'm afraid I'm going to lose my house," she said.

President Obama hugged Mrs. Foyler and said he would "see what I can do" about the Geithner problem.

"I will do everything in my power to get Tim to stop talking," the President said. "Quite honestly, I already have my hands full with Biden."

Andy Borowitz's Books at

1 comment:

Authentic Connecticut Republican said...

Like yourself, I too rely on the Borowitz report so I can keep up with important national news that otherwise is too often ignored by the MSM.

The frightening thing is, some people seem to be laboring under the delusion that Andy Borowitz is some sort of parody or satirical writer.

Anyone who's studied his work, as I'm sure you have, would agree that his timely newsletters are among the few honest hard news sources left in America.

If it weren't for Borowitz and The Onion, I wouldn't know what the heck was going on anymore!