By ANDY BOROWITZ
www.borowitzreport.com
In an effort to foster better understanding between police and the people they have recently handcuffed in their own homes, President Barack Obama today named this Thursday "Drink a Beer With Someone Who Arrested You Day."
Explaining his decision, the President told reporters, "When tempers run a little high, there's one thing that always helps people think a little more rationally: beer."
The President said he hoped that his proclamation would result in thousands of friendly get-togethers around the country between police officers and the innocent people they recently arrested.
"I'm hoping, for example, that Mischa Barton will have a tall and foamy with the cops who removed her from her home," he said, adding, "which, let me be clear, they did not act stupidly in doing."
For members of minority communities who have not been arrested recently, Mr. Obama had these reassuring words: "The week's still young."
In other news, police in the Michael Jackson case searched Larry King's house.
Former NFL star Michael Vick said he had "nothing to do with" the death of the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
A man sued CNN after recognizing his ass in stock footage about obesity.
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