Experts Propose Plugging Oil Leak with BP Executives
Submerging Execs Could Be 'Win-Win'
By ANDY BOROWITZ
www.borowitzreport.com
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report ) – At a conference of oil leak experts in Washington today, attendees proposed plugging the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico with executives of BP, the company responsible for the catastrophic spill.
“We’ve tried containment domes, rubber tires, and even golf balls,” said William Cathermeyer of the National Oil Leakage Institute, a leading consultancy in the field of oil leaks. “Now it’s time to shove some BP executives down there and hope for the best.”
Submerging the oil company executives thousands of feet below the ocean’s surface could be a “win-win” situation, Mr. Cathermeyer said.
“Best-case scenario, they plug the leak,” he said. “And at the very least, they’ll shut the fuck up.”
But even as the oil leak experts proposed their unorthodox solution, environmental expert Marilyn Sufranski warned of the possible negative consequences of plugging the oil leak with BP executives.
“The Gulf of Mexico is slimy enough already,” she said.
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2 comments:
the solution for making sure this never happens again is to stop punching holes in the sea floor to suck up oil.
No More Drilling.
Period.
Anything short of that and you are looking at another catastrophe down the road
The Russians suggested a nuclear warhead to terminate the flow. While not the ideal solution, will it work? There have been nuclear submarines scuttled. There have been underwater test detonations. The bottom line is have we considered this or just dismissed it because it because of the negative view of nuclear waste?
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