Kim Jong-Il Tests New Sunglasses

Security Council Alarmed By 'Crazy-looking' Shades

By ANDY BOROWITZ
Borowitzreport.com

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il sent a chill through the international community last night by testing what has been described as a pair of "crazy-looking" new sunglasses, diplomatic sources confirmed today.

Moments before the mercurial Kim tried on the new shades, which are said to resemble the rhinestone-encrusted sunglasses worn by the singer Elton John in the mid-1970's, North Korean officials warned their counterparts in China, who then notified President Bush's national security adviser, Stephen Hadley.

Mr. Kim's decision to try out the new sunglasses, which sources say are the most insane-looking he has ever worn and are "way too big for his head," alarmed members of the United Nations Security Council, who met in special session today to discuss the latest development.

At the White House, Mr. Hadley expressed the administration's concern about Mr. Kim's latest choice in eyewear: "He has worn some pretty weird-looking sunglasses in the past, but if all of the reports are true, these new sunglasses really raise the bar."

Some in diplomatic circles believe that by testing the new sunglasses Mr. Kim may actually be sending a signal to the West that he wants assistance, specifically in the form of contact lenses.

But in his remarks at the White House, Mr. Hadley was dismissive of such optimistic interpretations: "If Kim Jong-Il is willing to put on such a crazy-ass pair of sunglasses, it makes you wonder what else he's capable of."

Elsewhere, a South African scientist said that dolphins are far less intelligent than originally thought, but added that they still would not have invaded Iraq.

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