Can Mel Gibson Survive Mayan Slur?

Mel Gibson Apologizes to Doomed Mayans for Latest Remarks
Embattled Actor Reaches Out to Doomed Mayan Community

By ANDY BOROWITZ
Borowitzreport.com

After comparing the United States to the doomed Mayan civilization while promoting his new movie at a film festival in Texas this week, actor Mel Gibson today offered a heartfelt apology for offending doomed Mayans with his remarks.

At a press conference in Los Angeles, the embattled actor took great pains to explain that it was in no way his intention to offend doomed Mayans with his remarks.

"Yesterday, when I compared the United States to the doomed Mayan civilization, I had no idea that there were any doomed Mayans still around," Mr. Gibson said. "I was basically going on the assumption that since they were doomed a long time ago, I was pretty much in the clear."

Mr. Gibson's apology came just hours after an angry statement was made by the National Coalition of Doomed Mayans, a watchdog group that monitors the portrayal of doomed Mayans in the media.

"We Mayans may be doomed, but we have feelings," said a representative of the group, which is urging all doomed Mayans to boycott Mr. Gibson's latest film.

According to Buddy Schlantz, a veteran talent agent and longtime observerof the Hollywood scene, mending fences with the doomed Mayan community is"absolutely essential" to preserving what is left of Mr. Gibson's career.

"Doomed Mayans are a small but vocal part of the Hollywood community," Mr.Schlantz said. "Pissing them off isn't as bad as pissing off the Jews, but it doesn't help."

Elsewhere, Osama bin Laden is dead and "I was with him when he died," according to a confession by John Mark Karr.


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