NY Daily News: Not-A-Dime Jim Is Out Of Touch

UConn's Jim Calhoun is out of touch with J.Q. Taxpayer

Calhoun's contract is particularly obscene, considering the economic environment.

By Filip Bondy
DAILY NEWS SPORTS WRITER

Jim Calhoun's arrogant response during a press conference to an unexpected question last week about his $1.6 million-plus UConn salary was a watershed moment in this business of sports. It marked the first time, but surely not the last, that a publicly funded team official was held to the same sort of scrutiny as bailed-out banking types.

The bubble is bursting everywhere, and none is riper for pricking than bulging sports contracts. In short order, expect taxpayers to demand accountability for executive salaries in collegiate and professional franchises. That would include the Yankees and the Garden, among other employers, who have accepted federal or local tax breaks for years.

Complete Article

go-get-'em guy so essential to independent media ...

Follow The Money ...

TRAIL OF DEAD BODIES IN SMOLINSKI CASE

Photos Courtesy Of John Murray, Waterbury Observer


Note For Enterprising Reporters, Investigators:

This is a list of some of the dead
connected with
The Billy Smolinski Missing Person / Homcide Case:

* Krystal Rapuano
* Shaun Karpiuk
* Thomas Karpiuk

What Really Happened
In Each Homicide? / Suicide?? Accident???
Where Do The Trails Lead?

How Will Waterbury Police Chief Neil O'Leary's
Negligence / Bungling -- Or Worse -- Of This Case
Affect His Quest To Become Mayor?



As Spring Approaches And The Ground Thaws, How Deep Will The FBI Dig, In The Ground And Elsewhere?

WATCH FOR UPCOMING TV FEATURES
AND NEWS REPORTS

Here's The Latest Story
By The Reporter / Publisher
Who Opened Up The Case

An Update In The Bizarre
Disappearance Of Billy Smolinski
By John Murray
Waterbury Observer
February 2009

Six months have passed since state police, Seymour police, Shelton police and the FBI organized a massive excavation on a farm in Seymour looking for the body of Billy Smolinski. Smolinski disappeared under mysterious circumstances in August 2004 at the age of 31, and is widely believed to have been a victim of foul play. The week long dig came up empty, but sources have told the Observer that the farm remains of intense interest to law enforcement.

Several tips, including one directly to the Observer, stated that Billy is buried on the farm in Seymour, but his body is much deeper in the ground than was excavated.

The ground is frozen now, but the Smolinski family hope law enforcement resume their efforts in the Spring.

In other news in the case, the Shelton police took Billy’s truck into custody for a detailed forensic inspection in early October. The truck had been stored on a Smolinski family farm in Watertown since Billy’s disappearance. Neither the Waterbury police or the FBI ever did a thorough forensic exam of the truck.

The Discovery Channel is airing an hour long special on the Smolinski case later this Spring, but the exact time has yet to be announced. The show will be called “Vanished” and was filmed in Connecticut last Autumn. The show is expected to zero in on some of the bizarre circumstances surrounding the disappearance of Billy Smolinski, including an explosive love triangle and the loss of seven individual DNA samples by the Waterbury Police Department.

Janice Smolinski, Billy’s mother, has spent much of the past five years prodding law enforcement to take the disappearance of her son seriously. In addition she has spent thousands of hours leading an effort to alter the way law enforcement officers respond to the report of a missing adult. She and her husband, Bill, successfully shepherded a bill through the state legislature last year, but at the last second the bill was watered down by the Police Officers Standard and Training Council that made the recommendations voluntary.

The Smolinskis, with help from their state representative in Cheshire, Vicki Nardello, are attempting to make the changes mandatory in this legislative cycle.

In addition, Janice Smolinski has been prodding Senator Joe Lieberman and Congressman Chris Murphy to sponsor a bill in Congress that mandates medical examiners across the country to take samples from unidentified remains and upload the information into NAMUS, a national data bank trying to link 160,000 missing people in the United States to the 60,000 unidentified dead being stored around the country.

Janice Smolinski has become a national spokesperson for NAMUS and was a speaker at conferences in Texas, Colorado and Maryland in 2008 that targeted law enforcement and medical examiners.

Waterbury Observer

Smolinski's Truck Searched -- Four Years Later

Billy Smolinski Guest Book

Smolinski case, ongoing, Waterbury:

Major Development

&

CBS Without A Trace

[scroll to Friday, Sept. 14, 2007]

BILLY SMOLINSKI
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/03/31/earlyshow/main1458699.shtml

We first told you about Billy Smolinski a year ago. He disappeared from his Waterbury, Conn. home in August, 2004 after breaking up with his girlfriend.

CBS News Correspondent Bianca Solorzano got an update from investigators, and the missing man's family.

Smolinsksi was 31 when he vanished.

He had just returned from a trip to Florida with his girlfriend. The next night, he told his sister that his girlfriend was having an affair with a local politician. They argued and broke up.

Smolinski's sister, Paula Bell recalls that, "I said, 'Well, what are you going to do" And he just said, 'What am I going to do?'"

Authorities say Smolinski was last seen at his home. His next-door neighbor says he asked him to watch his dog for a few days, because he was headed north to look at a car he wanted to buy. His truck was found in his driveway, his keys and wallet were under his front seat.

That, says Solorzano, is where Smolinski's trail ends.

The FBI calls it a difficult case.

"Essentially," says Special Agent Bill Aldenberg, "the man just disappeared off the face of the Earth."

He says there's been no sign of Smolinski but, "There are suspects, based on tips and based on interviews and based on investigations that we've conducted."

The bureau was tipped off and, in the spring, searched in Shelton, about 20 miles from Waterbury. Agensts looked for evidence near several homes, dug up a driveway, and also searched near a river, but found nothing.

The Smolinskis, Solorzano points out, have never stopped searching.

They posted thousands of missing person flyers but, in a strange twist, found Smolinski's ex-girlfriend tearing them down.

At the time, local police say, she was not a suspect.
---

Article Details Waterbury Police Data
That Was Suppressed For About A Year

The Missing - A Weekly exposé of Lost Souls - Issue #9

Missing Persons Website Features Smolinski Case

Justice For Billy

go-get-'em guy so essential to independent media ...

Via
Fairness & Accuracy In Reporting


Krayeske actually prodded the mainstream media into action ...

Complete Article

Another Coach Is An Artful Dodger

Buffoon Whines, Dodges & Refuses To Apologize With Mike The Lap Dog

Friends Of Buffoon Include Phony Joe

Not-A-Dime Jim Featured @ HuffPo; Lame / Disingenuous Statement By UConn President

Follow The Money ...

CIA Following Bin Laden on Twitter

Hopes to Locate Madmen Via Tweets

"So far he is tweeting in code, using such terms as LOL and OMFG ... "

By ANDY BOROWITZ
www.borowitzreport.com

In what some are calling a breakthrough in the hunt for the world's most wanted man, the Central Intelligence Agency revealed today that it is following Osama bin Laden on Twitter.

The decision to track Mr. bin Laden's movements, moods, and musical tastes came late last week after the agency discovered he was using the popular social networking utility.

"We thought we were detecting an increase in chatter from Osama bin Laden," CIA chief Leon Panetta told reporters today. "What it turned out to be was an increase in tweets."

Mr. Panetta said the agency's success in tracking Mr. bin Laden via Twitter would depend on its ability to decode a series of seemingly indecipherable messages.

"So far he is tweeting in code, using such terms as LOL and OMFG," Mr. Panetta said. "At this point we have no idea what he is trying to say."

The spy chief said that Mr. bin Laden's Twitter usage seems to peak between the hours of 8 and 9 PM on Mondays: "This may simply be a coincidence, but that's when ‘Gossip Girl' is on."

Elsewhere, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady said that if he is injured at any point during his marriage to Gisele Bundchen, Matt Cassel will go in for him.

Andy Borowitz's Books at Amazon.com

Zell's Plundering & Destruction; The State Of Classified Ads

Via
Politics In The Zeros

Sam Zell is an aging billionaire who doesn’t need more money, yet was allowed to buy the Chicago Tribune so he could flip it like real estate and maybe plunder the pension fund along the way too ...

Complete Article

Slaughter On Broad Street

Not-A-Dime Jim Featured @ HuffPo; Lame / Disingenuous Statement By UConn President

At a post-game press conference blogger Ken Krayeske asked Jim Calhoun, Connecticut's highest paid state employee as head coach of the UConn men's basketball team, whether or not he would consider taking a pay cut to aid the financially troubled state.

This did not go over well. Calhoun proceeded to ask the report if he was stupid then tell him repeatedly to shut up.

Connecticut Governor Jodi Rell has gotten involved saying, "I think if coach Calhoun had the opportunity right now, he would welcome a do-over and not have that embarrassing display."

Calhoun

Rhymes With Buffoon

seems unfazed:

Complete HuffPo Article

Lawmakers Call For Reprimand

Lame / Disingenuous Statement, 2-26-09,
By UConn President Michael Hogan

"Coach Calhoun is a valued member of the UConn community, a Hall of Fame coach with two national titles to his credit. His salary reflects a fair-market value and his teams generate considerable resources for our Division of Athletics. In addition, while the current controversy may cloud the facts, Coach Calhoun and his wife give back to our community in many ways - through the time, energy, and personal donations they invest in important charities. We at UConn (and the charities to which they give so generously) are grateful for their contributions and support.

"As to the controversy over Coach Calhoun's recent press conference, the question he was asked about his salary was perfectly fair, although the reporter, as Coach Calhoun suggested, might have found a more appropriate and less provocative setting for his inquiry. I am sure that we all regret the controversy, including Coach Calhoun, and I can assure you that we will continue to encourage all members of the UConn community to resist temptation and treat others in a judicious and respectful manner, no matter what the circumstances.''

EDITOR'S NOTE:
After Giving Absolution,
Hogan Forgot To Tell Calhoun
To Say Three Haily Mary's

JIM CALHOUN’S STATEMENT
It has become clear that my comments have been misinterpreted by some as being insensitive to the current economic climate that those of us around our country and here in Connecticut are all facing.
I believe I have a duty, responsibility and obligation to support the state I love and the many people and organizations of Connecticut that are in need. I look forward to continuing with the same amount of passion and commit­ment to assist people and causes that are important to me and my family.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Next time, answer the question. Don't duck it, like a coward, by trying to intimidate the questioner.

UConn President A Stooge For Buffoon

CtNewsJunkie Update

Fox61 Sunday Show Taped

Bravo, Shelly Sindland, Former Sports Information Grunt: She Asks, Why Is Calhoun Immune?

JODI TO NOT-A-DIME JIM: YOU'RE AN EMBARRASSMENT

Follow The Money ...

" ... If they ask [Not-A-Dime Jim] a hard question he's going to shut off their access. He's done this for years. He did it to me when I worked for the Advocate. I wrote a tough column, and then he said I couldn't interview players anymore ..."

Krayeske Interview With Gelf Magazine

Calhoun In His Better Moments, Or, Human Resources / Communications Training Video For Depth And Responsiveness

NYT: Two Ways Of Looking At It

Sports Media Is Not A Watchdog

Slaughter On Broad Street

Via
Hartford Courant Alumni Association and Refugee Camp

Posting

NH Indy Story

aka, The Mardi Gras Massacre, By Phone

AP Story

Bravo, Shelly Sindland, Former Sports Information Grunt: She Asks, Why Is Calhoun Immune?

Cites Her Time With P.J.Carlesimo @ Seton Hall
Will Host Krayeske On Fox61's The Real Story

By SHELLY SINDLAND

I was trying to take a break from blogging because it is taking up a lot of my time these days but I just can’t take it anymore.

The story that has really struck a cord with me is the story everyone is talking about–Ken Krayeske’s questioning of Uconn Basketball Coach Jim Calhoun.

KRAYESKE PLAYS HARD BALL

Simply put, Ken was right. Calhoun was wrong! Whether he likes it or not, Krayeske’s question was valid and one worth answering. You can’t tell someone to “shut-up” or that they are “stupid” just because you don’t like their questions. Last I knew, we lived in a free society–Freedom of The Press, right? I guess Calhoun thinks The First Amendment doesn’t apply to him or the basketball court! He was rude, arrogant and down right mean to Krayeske. The debate seems to be whether or not Krayeske is a valid journalist. Under Connecticut’s Reporter Shield Law, Bloggers are covered. So, that would make Krayeske a valid journalist. We in the field call them “pajama journalists” because they tend to write about things from the comfort of their own homes with no real world experience. This was not the case with Krayeske. He took the time out of his schedule and “volunteered” for the difficult task –- a task, I might add, many others in the biz would be too afraid to venture into.

Complete Article

JODI TO NOT-A-DIME JIM: YOU'RE AN EMBARRASSMENT

Follow The Money ...

" ... If they ask [Not-A-Dime Jim] a hard question he's going to shut off their access. He's done this for years. He did it to me when I worked for the Advocate. I wrote a tough column, and then he said I couldn't interview players anymore ..."

Krayeske Interview With Gelf Magazine

Calhoun In His Better Moments, Or, Human Resources / Communications Training Video For Depth And Responsiveness

Sports Media Is Not A Watchdog

Yoga Dude, A Writer @ WestConn

Jeffrey Davis
will read from his work at 3:00
Thursday, March 5
Haas Library, Room 508

Author of The Journey from the Center to the Page: Yoga Philosophies and Practices as Muse for Authentic Writing (hardcover, 2004; paperback, 2005, Penguin; revised Monkfish edition, 2008) and City Reservoir (Barnburner Press 1998).

His essays, articles, short stories, and poems have appeared in journals and magazines around the country and in London including The Comstock Review, Conscious Choice, Sentence: A Journal of Prose Poetics, and Wisdom Publication's You Are Not Here and Other Works of Buddhist Fiction.

Jeff is faculty mentor for students at Western Connecticut State University's MFA Program in Professional Writing, and teaches or has taught creative writing workshops at The University of New Mexico's Taos Writer's Conference, The Cape Cod Writer's Conference, The Writers Lab in Skyros, Greece, Nova Scotia's Tatamagouche Centre, and the Block Island Poetry Project among other places.

Former senior yoga teacher at Bliss Yoga Center in Woodstock, NY, Jeff is also co-founder of WEN Barn &Gardens in Accord, NY and serves on the Green Yoga Council.

Currently, Jeff is completing his next poetry collection Woman Burning Another Woman and a non-fiction book, Tracking Wonder.

CONTACT:
Prof. Brian Clements
Coordinator, MFA in Professional Writing
Western Connecticut State University
203-837-8876

WestConn MFA Porgram

JODI TO NOT-A-DIME JIM: YOU'RE AN EMBARRASSMENT

"I think if Coach Calhoun had the opportunity right now, he would welcome a do-over and not have that embarrassing display."

-- CT Gov. M. Jodi Rell, Feb. 24, 2009

As Noted By Hartford Courant, AP, USA Today

CtNewsJunkie

ESPN Talking Head:
Not A Dime Jim
Now A Bobby Knight / Col. Jessup Hybrid

Can He Handle The Truth?

Calhoun In His Better Moments, Or, Human Resources / Communications Training Video For Depth And Responsiveness

ESPN'S PAGE 2: ANOTHER GUY COULD DO THE JOB

Audit Talk, re; Calhoun / Hoop Program, Etc.

NYT: Two Ways Of Looking At It

ESPN'S PAGE 2: ANOTHER GUY COULD DO THE JOB

"there's little doubt he could leave tomorrow and the UConn program would continue to generate a significant amount of revenue ...even with a coach who made half as much as Calhoun. "

Perception and reality wage another battle in the sports word
By Tim Keown
Page 2

Jim Calhoun had a verbal fracas with a local gadfly/reporter in a postgame press conference on Saturday. The gadfly, Ken Krayeske, hit Calhoun with a question about Connecticut's state budget deficit as it relates to Calhoun's status as the state's highest-paid public employee.

Calhoun made the point that he wouldn't give back anything -- "not a dime" -- before devolving into an arrogant diatribe about his importance to the state's economy. His point was valid, but he probably could have made it without telling the questioner to "shut up." It just sounds bad, right now, coming from a guy who makes a reported $1.6 million a year to coach teenagers.

Complete Article

Audit Talk, re; Calhoun / Hoop Program, Etc.

NYT: Two Ways Of Looking At It

Audit Talk, re; Calhoun / Hoop Program, Etc.

Via
MyLeftNutmeg


In Other Words,
FOLLOW THE FREAKIN' MONEY...

Where does salary factor in?
Does that $6.1 million figure include Calhoun's salary? If not, then his salary would create a net loss for the team, and if so, that means "he" brought in a lowly 1.23 million last fiscal year. Not really a good trade-off, though you can't put an accurate price tag on publicity/positive image.
by: ChanceKell @ Mon Feb 23, 2009 at 20:11:14 PM EST

UConn bkb revenue and expenses
i only saw the totals. someone could get these public records via foi. even then, some sports writers say the schools fudge these numbers. perhaps a forensic audit is in order. the state auditors get paid to do that...
by: tntcomm82 @ Mon Feb 23, 2009 at 20:31:13 PM EST

*[new] Momentum
With the momentum this story is building after only a couple of days, an official audit (at the very least, comment) may be right around the corner.
by: ChanceKell @ Mon Feb 23, 2009 at 20:47:23 PM EST

Video

*[new] CT public auditors reports
I did a quick click through some of the UCONN audits posted as reports at our CT Public Auditors' website, link here.

There's nothing spot on vis a vis this conversation (that I saw - I'm a non-accountant so maybe don't know where to look but I did a search for relevant terms within the docs) Generally, I think this website is under-consulted by citizens interested in how the state operates, so there ya go -- good one to bookmark and check from time to time imho.

Especially if you're interested in putting some heat on to tighten up operations in the face of a budget deficit, these reports can point you to where some of the budget bodies lie. If anyone FOIs the relevant info on the income and outgo around athletics, based on the magnitude of some of the tracking omissions and errors mentioned in these reports, don't take anything at face value -- it would seem reasonable to look carefully at the numbers to form an independent opinion as to their accuracy/whether they are backed up and the method by which they were prepared. Of course, the reports are only part of the picture -- if you look at the most recent couple of years' reports on UCONN, you will see that, e.g. a construction contract that was to be competitively bid only evidenced the winning contract and none of the competitors, and the payout on that particular contract to date, if I got my zeros in place properly, was $10 million dollars. So if they don't have the competitive bids on file for a contract that has so far amassed $10MM in payouts to the "winning" contractor (I can't believe this - could I have read the number wrong?), then there would seem to be some rather substantive questions to raise with their bookkeeping. The notion that you could slip up on that and "lose" such bids is kind of incomprehensible to me -- . The audits of any of the state departments/agencies provide insights into how well things are functioning or not -- and may even suggest places where particular process or structural changes could save the state substantial sums not by cutting programs but by working smarter. One of the audits pointed out e.g. that employees were pretty much on their own to seek out the lowest fares when traveling. The audits I looked at (they are in several places -- alphabetically under UCONN plus a couple under annual or special audits) -- did not really highlight the athletic operations specifically. One report notes that there were some bookkeeping problems with the football stadium's catering and parking receivables, and there was a process issue where a former athletic director who left early and owed money to the school, yet was paid for back vacation time (and no mechanism to detect the issue).

by: greenpeas @ Mon Feb 23, 2009 at 22:45:44 PM EST

--

MLN Post & Comments

CT Post's Charlie Walsh
On Krayeske's Entirely Logical Question

General Calhoun Went Bananas

Not A Dime Jim

Rick Green Column

Caterwauled Likes Catlin, Chides Flunkies

Calls Krayeske Brilliant

ESPN Talking Head:
Not A Dime Jim
Now A Bobby Knight / Col. Jessup Hybrid

Can He Handle The Truth?

NYT Cites Cool Justice On Calhoun Numbers

View From A California Reader

California is in a huge budget hole and state employees are having to take furloughs. State taxes and gas taxes are going up. Car registration fees are set to nearly double. Unemployment in L.A. County was 9.9% in December and likely will hit double figures when the January figures are released this week. In short, a lot of people are suffering.

Then you see Calhoun, without a bit of compassion for the common man. Unbelievable.
-

U.S. Education Dept. Numbers Site

CBS Sports Columnist To Calhoun: Show Me The Books

More @ Connecticut Local Politics

Basketball Numbers

And To Wit / Colin McEnroe

A final world on the unbearable shutupness of being

And The 40-Year Plan

Letters: Stumping a Phys Ed Teacher With a Math Problem

Calhoun Is a Royal Jackass When Asked About Salary

Krayeske & Calhoun Economic Summit

NYT Cites Cool Justice On Calhoun Numbers

Thanks, Joe!

Via
Joe Nocera's Executive Suite

Update: Andy Thibault, over at the Web site The Cool Justice Report, says that according to forms sent by the University of Connecticut to the Department of Education, last season the men’s basketball team generated $7.3 million in revenue, not the $12 million Mr. Calhoun claimed. (This, of course, after telling Mr. Krayeske to come back after “you get your facts straight.”) And get this: it spent $6.1 million. Which means that the team’s actual profit last year was $1.2 million. That’s less than Mr. Calhoun’s salary!

NYT: Jim Calhoun Defends His Salary

CBS Sports Columnist To Calhoun: Show Me The Books

From Dan Levine
@ CtNewsJunkie

dan levine | February 23, 2009 5:48 PM

so, at the outset, i should disclose that i am a working journalist and a friend of ken's. that said, i think this "wrong time to ask the question" argument is absolutely ridiculous. calhoun is a public figure at a press conference. i've never been to a presser in my life where you are not allowed to ask any kind of question, provided it is about a legitimate public matter (ie. not about the health of the guy's wife). ken inquired about taxpayer dollars. as far as i'm concerned, that subject is ALWAYS in-bounds when questioning a public official. then -- and be sure to watch the video here -- ken asks about the comcast deal ONLY AFTER calhoun opens the door, saying he makes a lot more than his state salary. to me, this is just good journalism, thinking on your feet to have the right followup question in order to best elicit information. and boy, did ken elicit some information! job well done in my book. that the sports guys didn't ask the question first -- for whatever reason -- is their problem, not ken's.

CtNewsJunkie Posting & Comments

The Personal Money Store Blog

No Cheap Loans From Calhoun

Roger Catlin

A Question Is Not A Shoe

CBS Sports Columnist To Calhoun: Show Me The Books

By RAY RATTO

By now, you've seen Jim Calhoun snap at a freelance reporter/political activist who questioned the propriety of his $1.6 million salary based on the fact that the state of Connecticut, like all the other states, is heading for Paraguay.

His argument was that the program he oversees brings in $12 million to the school every year, and that the freelancer should shut up. He made these two points several times, in fact, leading one to assume that his questioner was impressed by neither.

But I am, sort of. I'd like for the interviewer to have done a few things first.

One, ask if the $12 million was after expenses, in which case Calhoun's argument would be pretty much unassailable.

Two, if it was before expenses, how much money did the school actually see?

And three, could we all see the books?

Calhoun has always enjoyed his exchanges with the Connecticut media in the same way that people enjoy being hit in the stomach with sandbags. In fact, he actually tends to come off as giving far more than he actually has to take, which has led to his reputation as a poison sumac-based skin ointment in human form.

Complete Article

CALHOUN NUMBERS SHOCKER

CALHOUN NUMBERS SHOCKER

Fuzzy Math 101


By ANDY THIBAULT
The Cool Justice Report
www.cooljustice.blogspot.com
Feb. 23, 2009

EDITOR'S NOTE: This story is available for reprint courtesy of The Cool Justice Report, http://cooljustice.blogspot.com

First, thanks to Cool Justice readers for all the great tips.

Maybe UConn basketball coach Jim Calhoun wasn't thinking straight when he tried to shout down reporter Ken Krayeske and talk about facts at the same time.

Practice what you scream, coach.

It certainly looks like men's basketball brought in only $7.33 million instead of the $12 million Calhoun claimed.

UConn men's basketball generated $7.3 million in revenue and spent $6.1 million in 2007-08, according to information Athletic Director Jeff Hathaway and Assistant Athletic Director Maureen O'Connor filed with the U.S. Department of Education as part of its Equity in Athletics Analysis.

Maybe Calhoun's $12 million figure is from the men's and women's team combined, which totaled $12.6 million in revenue in '07-08.

U.S. Education Dept. Numbers Site

CBS Sports Columnist To Calhoun: Show Me The Books

More @ Connecticut Local Politics

Basketball Numbers

And To Wit / Colin McEnroe

A final world on the unbearable shutupness of being

And NY Times

Joe Nocera's Executive Suite

And The 40-Year Plan

Letters: Stumping a Phys Ed Teacher With a Math Problem

And The Nutmeg Grater

I Guess My Head Was In The Sand Once Again

Calhoun Is a Royal Jackass When Asked About Salary

Krayeske & Calhoun Economic Summit

NH Reg Refugee Looks Back

If you're surprised, you haven't been paying attention

By LEN HONEYMAN

You've heard, I'm sure, that the company that owns the New Haven Register, Connecticut's second-largest newspaper, has filed for protection and reorganization under Chapter 11 of the U.S. Bankruptcy Act.

You may not have heard, however, that under the filing, it asks the court permission to pay out $1.7 million in bonuses to 30 top managers and employees if it meets certain criteria.

If you're surprised by either of these facts, you haven't been paying attention.

What this means is that the companies that run the two largest Connecticut newspapers have declared themselves to be bankrupt. It doesn't necessarily means they are closing anytime soon.

The Tribune Co., owner of the Hartford Courant, is itself owned by Sam Zell, a multibillionaire real estate investor who knows little or nothing about newspapers. He's proven that.

The path of the Journal-Register Co. that led, almost as inevitably as a Greek tragedy, to bankruptcy court is much more twisted. I saw much of that from the inside. Grab a drink and get comfortable.

Complete Article

Len Honeyman a politics junkie, a newspaperman who has morphed into a freelance writer and editor. He is president and editor of The Word Hive (www.thewordhive.com )thewordhive@gmail.com). He can't label myself as liberal or conservative ...

NH Indy

Calhoun Is a Royal Jackass When Asked About Salary

Via
Jay Christensen's
March To Madness.com


... The gutless media is now playing defense and coming down on Krayeske for having the balls to dare challenge the multimillionaire coach, who claims his darling program brings in $12 million a year to the university — before expenses ...

Complete Article

About Christensen

Comment
by "Thomas Hooker" @ MLN

Good for Ken Krayeske
Krayeske made an excellent point when he said that if the regular "journalists" had covered this, he wouldn't have to. There is a lot of anger building in this country among average people who are seeing their lives being destroyed, losing their homes, watching their savings vanish, watching their money set aside for their children's college educations disappear, their jobs lost, their health care lost, their hope vanish. We're seeing the University of Connecticut and so many other universities cut back on classes, professors' salaries, and raise tuition. UConn's tuition will this year exceed half of the total expense, with the state's contribution falling under half. Yet we're supposed to feel indignant that Ken Krayeske takes Jim Calhoun to task for earning the better part of two million bucks? I strongly doubt that basketball nets the university anywhere near twelve million bucks, as he claims. But good for Ken Krayeske for bringing up the issue. There are a lot of UConn students and their families who are hurting and Calhoun is pissed off because he's asked about his big-time earnings? Shame on him! And shame on those sports "reporters" who can't be bothered to think about this state, the vast majority of students, and the health of our state's economy as we teeter on the brink of another depression. Ken Krayeske might piss people off, but he's got guts to bring up unpopular issues. Hat's off to you, Ken!!

A Notch Or Two Below Bob Knight ...

Krayeske & Calhoun Economic Summit

BU Prof David Randall, My Pal, Cites Avery Doninger For Good Manners And Citizen Media Law Project As Wonderful Resource

CMLP on Doninger v Niehoff

By DAVID RANDALL

Citizen Media Law Project is a wonderful resource. I assign CMLP materials in the Internet law course and turn to it often for news and analysis of Internet speech, copyright, and privacy issues. A post on January 29 addressed the Avery Doninger case, which I’ve followed for some time. (I learned of the case through Andy Thibault, author of Law & Justice in Everyday Life, creator of the Cool Justice column and blog, and a friend from college. I donated money to Doninger’s legal defense fund and received a heartfelt, appreciative thank you note from her. Good manners go a long way.)

David Randall teaches at Boston University Law School and is a commercial real estate consultant. He is a former associate at Mintz, Levin, Cohn, Ferris, Glovsky & Popeo, PC

Complete Article

Patently False Disruption Claim Swallowed By Courts, And Free Speech Is Stomped

Find the Book:
Law & Justice In Everyday Life by Andy Thibault at Amazon.com

Barnes & Noble

So What

Miles & Trane

Bonuses For Closing Papers, Firing Workers

Via
Bloomberg


The company has asked for permission to pay as much as $1.7 million in bonuses to 30 top officers and key employees, should the Journal Register meet certain reorganization goals, including closing more papers and firing more employees. Those officers have already been paid $450,000 for a previous round of cuts, according to court papers.


Journal Register, Publisher, Files for Bankruptcy

By Steven Church and Dawn McCarty

Feb. 21 (Bloomberg) -- The Journal Register Co., owner of 20 daily newspapers, filed today for bankruptcy protection from its creditors, the third publisher to do so since December. The company blamed a slump in advertising.

The publisher of the New Haven Register would cancel its stock and become a closely held company, owned by its lenders under a proposed reorganization plan filed in U.S. Bankruptcy Court in New York. It listed debt of as much as $1 billion and assets of between $100 million and $500 million in Chapter 11 documents.

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Krayeske & Calhoun Economic Summit

Via
Ken Krayeske's 40-Year Plan

Coach Calhoun Yells,
Refuses to Discuss Comcast Contract

Editor's Note:

Whoever wrote the headline,
Jim Calhoun Owns Reporter (Ken Krayeske),
needs a case of chapstick. He can share it
with the so-called beat reporters.

AND DON'T FORGET THE KNEE PADS!


The venom with which supposed journalists have responded shows there are many, many uncovered stories to be had. Why would so-called reporters help suppress questions?

Video

Story
By KEN KRAYESKE

Despite a multi-billion dollar budget deficit facing the state of Connecticut, UConn men's hoops coach Jim Calhoun, the highest paid state employee with an annual salary of $1.6 million, will not take a pay cut to help the state close its budget gap.

"Not a dime," Calhoun said during a post-game press conference Saturday, February 21, 2009 in Hartford, after the top-ranked Huskies ran over the University of South Florida Bulls.

"I have to retire," Calhoun said. He also mentioned that he makes more than $1.6 million with the side deals. But his value to the university is worth much more, he argued.

"We bring in $12 million to the university every year," Calhoun said. "Get some facts and come back and see me then."

Calhoun asked what the gate take was for the day, and I responded that I didn't know. He reiterated that the men's basketball program turns over $12 million a year to the university, and that benefits other players.

He said that I should talk to him after the press conference, but I was fine discussing it there. This isn't the place, he said. I suggested it was. He raised his voice, yelling like I was one of his college basketball player to who failed to get back on defense.

Complete Article

[Calhoun] did not reflect a level of professionalism relative to his compensation

Colin's Kind Counsel For Calhoun, Krayeske, Alleged Press Corps, aka Mt. Calhoun Erupts

NOTE FROM A CT SPORTS WRITER:
headline should be "Calhoun the Sociopath Throws Another Sandbox Tantrum"

Comment @ MyLeftNutmeg
I don't always agree with Ken
But after reading everything the Hartford Courant had to say about this story in their print and web versions I more fully understand why they are a bankrupt and a failed organization.

MLN Post & Comments

Transcript, Via NH Reg

Connecticut Sacred Cow Meets The New Media

Marginal Costs, Enormous Benefits: Connecticut’s School Choice is National Model

Via
CtNewsJunkie



[Yet,]We build and defend dozens of different and duplicative school systems so we can educate kids based on arbitrary district lines. The gap between our black and white and rich and poor kids is the worst in the nation.


by Liz Dupont-Diehl

“I’m calling about my daughter, who’s going into ninth grade,” I told the guidance counselor. “I’d like to know about your class sizes and how many of your graduates go on to college.”

Hanging up the phone, it occurred to me that this was probably not what public schools are used to hearing. I was shopping for a high school for my daughter. Marketplace forces and customer service never had much impact on town school business or enrollments.

Connecticut is a state of fierce home rule and yawning public school inequality. We build and defend dozens of different and duplicative school systems so we can educate kids based on arbitrary district lines. The gap between our black and white and rich and poor kids is the worst in the nation.

Urban public schools are in a legitimate state of crisis. But blaming Sheff programs for their funding problems is a false choice, ignoring severe underlying structural problems and penalizing programs that work.

Within and around this system of school district barricades are dozens of inter-district magnet schools and transfer systems that offer lucky lottery winners a shot at some of the best educational opportunities in the country. Thanks largely to the Sheff v O’Neill case, Connecticut has embarked on a voluntary, regional two-way system of public school choice.

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The Integration Report

Live, Sat., @ Rainy Faye's: Iyaba Ibo Mandingo, Self Portrait, a one man play

IYABA TAKES US
THROUGH THE JOURNEY
OF HIS LIFE AS AN AMERICAN IMMIGRANT
USING PAINT, WORDS AND SONGS

FROM THE EARLY MEMORIES
OF HIS THIRD WORLD UPBRINGING,
TO THE AMERICAN JAILS
WHERE HE DISCOVERED
POETRY AND BEGAN
THE JOURNEY
THAT WOULD EVENTUALLY LEAD
TO THIS PLAY.

SHOWTIME 8 PM SAT FEB. 21

Tickets, $12
Rainy Faye's Bookstore & Gallery


NEW LOCATION:

1042 BROAD STREET,
SUITE 130
( ENTRANCE ON JOHN STREET)

(203) 336-6911

Libertarians Get Hot Thinking About Dodd

Via
NH Indy

Peter Schiff “Moneybomb” Set To Explode
By PAUL BASS

Web-savvy Libertarians in California have launched a nationwide movement to draft a New Haven-born celebrity pundit to take on Connecticut U.S. Sen. Chris Dodd. Their first big test comes Saturday.

The pundit is Peter Schiff. He has been a fixture bashing the federal bank bailout and stimulus efforts on national TV news (FOXNews, CNBC, CNN) panels because of his early predictions of the Wall Street meltdown. He published a prescient book in 2007 called Crash Proof: How to Profit From the Coming Economic Collapse..

Complete Article

Patently False Disruption Claim Swallowed By Courts, And Free Speech Is Stomped

Via
Danbury News Times

News Times

Students get lesson in free speech


A question we all need to keep in mind is who is responsible for what teenagers write at home, school principals or parents ... Why would anyone think that school would be substantially disrupted because of an intemperate Internet posting? Administrators didn't even discover the offending blog until weeks after "Jamfest" was rescheduled ... We should worry about any erosion of our rights. How do you learn that we are "endowed by (our) Creator with certain unalienable rights" if someone keeps taking them away from you? ... The irony here is that the kids knew better than the adults. They wrote in Doninger's name and she won the election ...



By James H. Smith
02/19/2009


If school principals can punish students for what they write at home, it's time to ask if kids will grow up understanding basic American rights like free speech. Lewis Mills High School junior class Secretary Avery Doninger sued in 2007 after she was prevented from running for election as senior class secretary because she wrote on her home computer that school administrators were "douche bags."

State Sen. Gary LeBeau, D-East Hartford, is not sure the punishment fit the "crime." A retired schoolteacher, he has introduced a bill to protect the First Amendment rights of students.

If passed, it would "prohibit school authorities from punishing students for the content of electronic correspondence transmitted outside of school facilities ... Provided such content is not a threat to students, personnel or the school."

In striking down last month Doninger's plea to preserve her right to free speech, U.S. District Court Judge Mark Kravitz did rule, based on new evidence, that she can have a trial on one narrow aspect of her case -- that students weren't allowed to wear "Team Avery" T-shirts on Election Day at the Burlington high school.

Judge Kravitz ruled in New Haven that there is evidence that "would permit a reasonable jury to conclude that Doninger's speech was chilled" and scheduled a trial for June 9.

Avery Doninger was in charge of organizing "Jamfest," a battle of the bands. She was angry because she thought school officials canceled the event. She criticized "the douche bags in central office" on her livejournal.com blog and urged others to contact then-Superintendent Paula Schwartz to "piss her off more." Upon reading her post, school Principal Karissa Niehoff barred her from running for office.

Doninger, now graduated and an AmeriCorps volunteer, said she intends to appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court. It has never ruled that students can be punished for off-campus speech. In fact, it has said the opposite.

But today "Off-campus speech can become on-campus speech with the click of a mouse," wrote Judge Kravitz in his Jan. 15 ruling. He described lower courts in "complete disarray" on the issue and called for guidance in the Internet age.

A question we all need to keep in mind is who is responsible for what teenagers write at home, school principals or parents?

Avery Doninger's mother has acknowledged her daughter needed some discipline for the language she used but said banning her from running for school secretary was too harsh and violated her rights.

But the Second Circuit Court of Appeals in New York called the student's words "plainly offensive" and "foreseeably created a risk of substantial disruption within the school environment." It affirmed Judge Kravitz' initial ruling against Doninger.

Why would anyone think that school would be substantially disrupted because of an intemperate Internet posting? Administrators didn't even discover the offending blog until weeks after "Jamfest" was rescheduled.

The U.S. Supreme Court in 1969 ruled that high school students had the right to protest the Vietnam War by wearing black armbands in school. Nineteen years later the high court permitted a school principal to censor articles in the school newspaper (on divorce and teen pregnancy). But it also held that "similar speech outside the school" could not be censored.

We should worry about any erosion of our rights. How do you learn that we are "endowed by (our) Creator with certain unalienable rights" if someone keeps taking them away from you?

Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist wrote in 1988 that "The sort of robust political debate encouraged by the First Amendment is bound to produce speech that is critical of those who hold public office."

He quoted Justice Felix Frankfurter that "one of the prerogatives of American citizenship is the right to criticize public men and measures (with even) vehement, caustic and sometimes unpleasantly sharp attacks."

The Second Circuit judges concluded that "Avery, by all reports is a respected and accomplished student ... We are sympathetic to her disappointment at being disqualified for running for senior class secretary and acknowledge her belief that in this case 'the punishment didn't fit the crime'."

The irony here is that the kids knew better than the adults. They wrote in Doninger's name and she won the election, but still school administrators wouldn't allow her to serve.

James H. Smith of Oxford has been a journalist for 40 years. He is a former managing editor of The News-Times.

News Times

Reading Assignment For Travesty Kravitz

Sites Of The Day

Elizabeth Alexander

Holly Near

Only In Bridgeport

Dirty Wordz With Shane Hollands

Reading Assignment For Travesty Kravitz

In our system, state-operated schools may not be enclaves of totalitarianism. School officials do not possess absolute authority over their students. Students in school as well as out of school are "persons" under our Constitution. They are possessed of fundamental rights which the State must respect, just as they themselves must respect their obligations to the State. In our system, students may not be regarded as closed-circuit recipients of only that which the State chooses to communicate. They may not be confined to the expression of those sentiments that are officially approved. In the absence of a specific showing of constitutionally valid reasons to regulate their speech, students are entitled to freedom of expression of their views.



-- Abe Fortas

Semi-Fresh Comments On Travesty Kravitz

Semi-Fresh Fresh Comments On Travesty Kravitz

Selected Web Postings

-- Kravitz will get spanked, hard, on appeal. “Off-campus speech can become on-campus speech with the click of a mouse” – what a joke.

-- So, telling everybody from school that the principal’s a d*****bag won’t get you in trouble as long as it is not on the Internet and it occurs off campus? Is truth a defense?

-- I think speech on the internet is still just speech. Granted it’s more powerful, maybe more effective and persuasive, but why punish the people for having a more powerful form of speech? I think it should have the same protection as the spoken word. The kid who said her principal was a d-bag, whether on the corner of her own street, screaming it aloud to her friend, or screaming it over the internet, she should have the same protection.

Comments From Late January

What They're Saying About Travesty Kravitz

Education Week Notes Famous Douche Bag Case

Lit Mag Database

Via
Poets & Writers

Including 23 NEW PUBS LOOKING FOR YOUR WORK

Lowdown On The Facebook Terms Of Service Agreement

Via
Rick's RSS

Face Off With Facebook:
Fake Outrage, Poor Reporting If You Ask Me

Facebook and Terms of Service Agreements, (TOS). That combination has caused quite an uproar the past few days.

Facebook Friends, calm down! Please somebody send out one of those Facebook drinking requests that I get and usually ignore. I’ll drink a beer with you today if that will make you feel better.

Complete Article

NY Times Story

Education Week Notes Famous Douche Bag Case

Via
The School Law Blog
Covers news and analysis on legal developments affecting schools, educators, and parents.


Student Speech in the Facebook Era
By Mark Walsh

This past weekend, Yale Law School examined a student speech case that has attracted wide notice in public education.

I wasn't at the conference titled "The Future of Student Internet Speech: What Are We Teaching the Facebook Generation?” But the Yale Daily News reported Tuesday that the case "pitting Connecticut public school administrators against a high school student’s personal blog took center stage" at the conference. (Hat tip to How Appealing.)

The case is Doninger v. Niehoff, which has been bouncing around from the U.S. District Court in Connecticut to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 2nd Circuit, in New York City, and back to the district court.

Complete Article

TRAVESTY KRAVITZ

Travesty Kravitz Sliced & Diced, Way Too Gently, By NY Atty

Standing On The Edge Of An Abyss That Is The Grave Of The First Amendment Rights Of Students

The Flouting Of The First Amendment

Travesty Kravitz Freaks Out Teens

Student Press Law Center Cuts Through The Crap On Free Speech Issue

Travesty Kravitz's Reversible Error On Qualified Immunity For Douche Bag School Bosses

GO GET 'EM, GARY!

--
Following is a Readers Digest version
of the Doninger case:

Avery Doninger, a volunteer in the Americorps national public service program, has a civil rights trial pending in New Haven U.S. District Court. [Among her duties on the job: helping hurricane victims in Texas.]

Avery, a 2008 graduate of Lewis Mills High School in Burlington, CT, and her mother, Lauren Doninger, sued Principal Karissa Niehoff and Superintendent Paula Schwartz [now retired] after they removed Avery from the ballot for class secretary.

Avery Doninger was among a group of four students who lobbied the community for support of an annual battle of the bands sponsored by the Student Council. The student council adviser suggested the students reach out to taxpayers and the students copied the adviser an on email to the community.

Schwartz became very upset after taxpayers called her and she cancelled the event known as Jamfest. Doninger subsequently referred to administrators in a live journal blog as central office douche bags, and Schwartz's son found the posting while trolling the internet for his mother a couple weeks later. While Avery Doninger was banned from school office, another student who called Schwartz a dirty whore was given an award and lauded for citizenship.

School officials suppressed the write-in vote in which Doninger was elected by a plurality. Schwartz refused to accept Doninger's apology for her choice of words. During an assembly, Niehoff banned free-speech and Team Avery t-shirts and seized at least one shirt.

The Doningers have been seeking -- among other remedies -- an apology for civil rights violations and recognition of the write-in victory.

New Haven U.S. District Judge Mark Kravitz denied a motion for a preliminary injunction [immediate relief] in August 2007. Based on errors in the record, Travesty Kravitz's injunction ruling was upheld by the U.S. Second Circuit in New York.

Travesty Kravitz held a hearing in November 2008 on Doninger's request for a trial. He cut off discussion about various frauds - including false testimony - upon the court and ultimately ordered a trial on Jan. 15, 2009. But, he limited the scope of the trial to the narrow issue of the suppression and seizure of free speech t-shirts.

Appeals are likely on a number of rulings narrowing the scope of the case.

On Jan. 22, 2009, Connecticut State Senator Gary LeBeau filed a landmark bill to protect student speech.

On Jan. 23, 2009, Travesty Kravitz scheduled jury selection and a trial for civil rights violations related to the suppression and seizure of free speech t-shirts.

The Blago Bunch Keeps On Giving

Rodster Blagojevich keeps on chirping as he inches closer to his federal trial, almost guaranteeing the government a conviction.

By RICHARD MEEHAN



The Cool Justice Report
www.cooljustice.blogspot.com
Feb. 18, 2009

EDITOR'S NOTE: This column is available for reprint courtesy of The Cool Justice Report, http://cooljustice.blogspot.com

The Blago Bunch -- the slap-happy group that brought so many laughs to America with Rod B's "I did nothing wrong" American Tour -- is fighting hard to eclipse the Palin family as the country's political media hogs.

Rodster Blagojevich keeps on chirping as he inches closer to his federal trial, almost guaranteeing the government a conviction. His brother Robert has now surfaced in the inquiry surrounding quasi-Senator Roland Burris. Meanwhile, Burris, Blago's erstwhile senatorial appointee, has removed his foot from his mouth long enough to invite possible indictment on perjury charges for his recent testimony before the Illinois legislature.

Summoned to appear in the impeachment inquiry into Blago's alleged pay for play scheme. Burris, with an attorney at his side, denied, under oath, that he had spoken with anyone from Blago's staff or family prior to his appointment. His subsequent affidavit admitted his contact with First Brother, Rob Blago, thus fueling the perjury fires.

Witness inconsistencies in sworn testimony are not uncommon. There are levels of inconsistency that range from the mere failure of recollection to outright lying. Each is viewed differently under the law. No one has perfect recall, even when they have committed to a prior version of the events. Witnesses sometimes fail to repeat the same version of an event, not with an intent to deceive, but simply because some details have been forgotten.

Our rules of evidence permit the use of a prior recorded statement or prior testimony to impeach the witness' credibility. In a jury trial the court will instruct a jury that they may use that impeached testimony to cast doubt on the remainder of the witness' testimony. Rarely, though, do such inconsistencies lead to perjury charges.

Back when law schools invoked Latin phrases to describe time-tested legal principles, we were taught the concept, "falsus in uno, falsus in omnibus!" Translated, it means: "untrue in one thing, untrue in everything." The principle stems from ancient Roman law. In its earliest application in jury trials, judges would instruct jurors that if they found that a witness lied on one point they could disregard all of that witness' testimony.

In recent years judges have disfavored the concept. Jurors are now instructed that they may consider the inconsistency as a factor in determining whether to believe the witness and to what extent.

Inconsistencies that lead to witness impeachment do not require that the prior statement have been made under oath. In most instances, however, either a prior affidavit or prior sworn testimony is the vehicle by which the witness' current testimony is challenged.

Prior to a 1919 ruling by the U.S. Supreme Court, a trial judge, convinced that a witness lied, often would hold the witness in contempt and order him confined. The witness could come back before the court and purge himself of the contempt by recanting the purportedly false testimony, but still be exposed to a charge of perjury. The court determined that this was an oppressive abuse of authority and disallowed contempt proceedings. The lying witness still, however, risked a perjury charge.

Contrasted with impeachment by prior inconsistent statement, perjury is the outright lie under oath. In Connecticut one commits perjury, " . . . if, in any official proceeding, he intentionally, under oath, makes a false statement, swears, affirms or testifies falsely, to a material statement which he does not believe to be true."

By inclusion of the word "intentionally" the legislature has distinguished the knowing lie from the failure of recollection. An oath or affirmation should require the truth. Sadly, it does not.

Bridgeport attorney Richard Meehan Jr. was the lead defense counsel for former Bridgeport Mayor Joseph Ganim's corruption trial. Meehan is certified as a criminal trial specialist by the National Board of Trial Advocacy since 1994 and serves on the organizations Board of Examiners. He is a Charter Fellow, Litigation Counsel of America -- Trial Lawyer Honorary Society. Meehan has also obtained multi-million dollar verdicts and settlements in complex medical and dental malpractice and personal injury litigation. He is a past president of the Greater Bridgeport Bar Association and appears regularly on Court TV. His column also appears in the Sunday Norwich, CT Bulletin. Website, www.meehanlaw.com

Meehan law firm

Bloomberg: Prosecutor Reviews Burris Statements

The Prince of Poets: Arab Poetry’s Answer to American Idol

By Saifedean Ammous

Imagine an American TV network deciding to take the American Idol format and apply it to poetry; lining up poets to read their poems in front of temperamental judges while the nation gets out its mobile phones to vote for its favorite poet. One can be sure the show would not survive the first commercial break before the chastened executives pull the plug on it and replace it with yet another series on the Life and Times of Nicole Ritchie. Yet, that was exactly the formula for the latest TV sensation to take Arab countries by storm.

Complete Article

Slam Poet Elizabeth Thomas Blogging From Dubai

CT: 45,000 Jobs; NY: 215,000 Jobs

created / saved in next 2 years,
according to Reovery.gov

All 50 States

HuffPo Coverage

"Boehner / Colleagues" On SNL

Firedoglake's Jane Hamsher On 1600 Penn. Ave., With Eric Cantor Clip

Mea Culpa Shocker

Madoff Blames Ponzi Scheme on Youth, Immaturity
Was Only in His Sixties, Financier Explains

"You do all kinds of crazy things when you're at an impressionable age like 60 or 61 ... I think I felt under pressure to become the biggest scumbag of all time."


By ANDY BOROWITZ
www.borowitzreport.com

Disgraced financier Bernie Madoff offered a partial mea culpa for his massive Ponzi scheme today, telling reporters that he blamed his "youth and immaturity" for his poor judgment in the matter.

"You have to understand, when this scheme really got out of hand I was only a lad in my sixties," Mr. Madoff said.

Reflecting on his role in the fraud, which wound up bilking $50 billion from unwitting investors, Mr. Madoff said, "I think I felt under pressure to become the biggest scumbag of all time."

But Mr. Madoff pleaded for understanding, explaining, "You do all kinds of crazy things when you're at an impressionable age like 60 or 61."

In the interest of "giving something back," Mr. Madoff said he hoped to make a tour of investment houses and warn brokers in their forties and fifties against starting Ponzi schemes of their own: "I want to get to them while they're still kids."

In other business news, GM and Chrysler revealed their rescue plans, which call for the two auto giants to stop making cars and become banks instead.

After reviewing the size of the bailouts that the government has offered to the nation's banks, GM chairman Rick Wagoner said, "Only a total loser would keep making cars."

The CEOs of GM and Chrysler said that in their first official act as banks they would award themselves $10 million bonuses and fly to the Cayman Islands.

Elsewhere, keeping a 200-lb chimp as a pet and giving it drugs could lead to regrettable consequences, according to a report in the latest issue of Duh magazine.

Andy Borowitz's Books at Amazon.com